Digging Deep

I have been chewing on this post for a few days trying to figure out how to put these feelings into words without getting really far out there and losing people’s interest. This is important to me. It’s important that I share it with my tribe and anyone else who wants to hear it but I can tend to be very wordy especially when it’s something as crucial as this.

You have all heard me say for as long as I have been sitting on my soap box to stop putting your faith your hope you power into outside sources Deities or things. That the power lies within you and it is time to trade in your brooms and claim your wings. Well it’s show time folks. Your brooms have been taken your Deities gathering halls have been closed and your government is failing you. You are locked in your houses with very uncertain futures. No real hope as far as what we see on the news. It’s really time to dig deep and look within and learn to stay put and be okay with yourself because right now that’s who you’ve got.

I was trying to figure out what to reference and I kept coming back to something Pastor Frieda said in one of her lengthy sermons years ago

while I know from me this will sound odd I am going to reference a scripture from the New Testament. I can’t remember right where it is at but it was a parable from Jesus that I have always held on to and at one time really caused me to dig deep within… something I feel is necessary in order to survive this supposed pandemic.

It is very profound and relevant to current events.

He says “Everyone who listens to these words of mine and does them will be like a man building a house who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. The rain fell and the floods came and the wind blew and beat against the house but it did not collapse as it had been set solidly upon the rock. Then he went on to say that everyone who listens to these words of mine but does not do them will be like a fool who built his house on sand. The rain fell the floods came and the wind blew and beat against the house and it collapsed it utter ruin.

So let’s look at my perception as to the deeper meaning of Jesus words

Everyone who listens to these words and does them….. this obviously means anyone who listens to and practices the teachings of Christ which were to find the kingdom of heaven that is within YOU not anywhere else in space or time. But to find the transcendent dimension of the kingdom of heaven that is within you. Which is a deeper dimension, or higher dimension of consciousness that is accessible to everyone.

The man that is building the house is you. The house itself is you. The floods that come the rains that come beating against the house obviously means some form of adversity that you encounter as you inevitably do in life. Some form of fairly extreme adversity be it on a personal level, or as we are experiencing now which is on a collective level.

Now if you haven’t gone deep enough, because remember you are the house … if you haven’t gone deep enough you have not found anything beyond the conceptual thinking mind then the floods the rain the wind the adversity whatever it may be In this case we know what it is will devastate you

Like now even if you do not fall ill if you do not contract the virus the fear will consume you as it’s consuming millions of humans across the globe at this present time. And why do you fear? What is fear ? Fear is certain thought forms that we project ourselves into some future moment and you are not present because if you were present you would realize that in THIS moment there is nothing to fear. It is only when you leave this present moment that fear rises as a thought form. Which then creates an emotion which is fear. So to stay in the present moment and out of fear is digging deep. So what does it mean then to dig deep and find the foundation on the rock that you stand ?

I’d like to help you understand what it means to dig deep. Just take a moment to be aware that you are breathing. Become aware of yourself. Not the conceptual self or personal history or magical future moment but aware of yourself as a conscious presence. A field of conscious presence. And thinking does not help here in fact it’s an obstacle. You must go deeper than thinking. And yes you can be completely awake and present and yet with very little mind activity. That is the start of the realization of your deeper identity. What I call your essence.

Your essence identity is separate from the present moment. It is the timeless eternal present. It is a deeper dimension of consciousness than the one we ordinarily exist in. That is the meaning of digging deep and finding that unshakable foundation that is deep within each of us. Adversity is a wonderful opportunity because it forces you to go deeper. It forces you to awaken to the deeper dimension of who you are.

Why does adversity do that? Because life becomes almost unbearable when you live always only on the Surface of sense perception and your conceptual mind. When you sit around and listen to the news casts and read all the horror stories about the state of things. That would liken to the house that is built on sand that when the floods and storms come the house collapses and if you are the house then it will bring you to devastation and extreme suffering even though nothing has happened yet unless you have contracted the virus that’s something we will talk about in my next rant but this one NOTHING has happened yet other than a bunch of fear propaganda. So digging deep is to stay fully in the present always here now

I have to ask Is the house that you are built on sand or are you able to dig and find the foundation within yourself that frees you from fear?

When things go well most humans can’t be bothered with going deeper. They are like why? Things are good I don’t need to do that. I have a vacation to plan etc. they are in their comfort zone No one ever awakens in their comfort zones. . . It is usually in the face of some huge calamity or facing mortality or some world catastrophe like the one we are presently in that forces people awaken. It’s either awaken or perish. Sadly many will perish. Because they can not dig deeper and go within. They are filling their heads and hearts and energetic fields with fear and propaganda about what could happen and instead of finding a way to be grateful that they have a home to be quarantined to and people to be quarantined with they are complaining about it. Don’t get me wrong I have moments in the day where I feel disgruntled and anxious and bored and like my skin doesn’t fit and I am completely limiting my intake of news or even conversations about this because it straight consumes me I get myself so worked up and the facts are 90 percent of the media are owned by the people poised to profit off of pandemonium and this whole supposed pandemic They are banking on you going stir crazy and not being able to stay put. They are banking on riots they are banking on you giving them just cause to bring in Marshal law. They have already gathered almost 4000 National Guards and deployed them they are poised and waiting for the word from the Chief at which time all he’ll will break lose. It doesn’t have to be that way. Collectively we can change it.

I’m honestly not of that mindset. I’m of the mindset to hunker down to go deep within and get into total alignment with my innate to get personally acquainted with my very dna and cellular structure to be so in tune with my higher self that we are one so that when we get to the other side of this which we will I am poised and capable of bringing in the new world and understanding the energy and appreciating it and not only adapting to or existing in the new paradigm but thriving because finally after many lifetimes I can say I’m home.

My advice is to hone your craft. Practice magic. Practice rewriting your dna or changing your mindset practice living in a state of conscious intention. If you want a deeper understanding of what I am saying and you would be interested in doing a live discussion and even coming on the live asking questions etc and helping each other cope and get through this time drop a comment below and share this post with others. If you vibe it would be really cool for you to subscribe.


I woke up this morning grateful to see the Sunrise and that my little sister made it through another year. She turns 44 today. She is 8 years and 7 days younger than me. She has always kept me on this crazy pedestal and never once have I questioned her love. Even when we weren’t speaking I still knew she cared.

This social isolation is starting to get to some people. I have moments that are draining but over all I am getting through. Lots of frustrated crumpled paper on the floor because I was trying to draw this or that or a poem I started sounds like shut. A few new splatters of paint on the linoleum and a lot less weed but I am getting through

I live right on a major Hwy that goes through Oregon and I have to say Oregonians for the most part are not following the rules. The only reason traffic has slowed is all thyme businesses are closed so most don’t have a choice yet still I see Senior Citizens our walking around with no masks on and just out walking to get fresh air I see all the kids home from school but out in the streets playing with one another. I feel like it’s disrespectful outside.

The only vehicles that should be passing my house are 18 wheelers out life saving truck drivers and people in scrubs. Truckers for our vital supplies and medical professionals trying to keep up with the curve we don’t seem interested in slowing.

It makes no sense to me. How many need to die before we take the threat seriously? How many towns need trains to pull in loaded with tanks to haul the soldiers around that will make us stay home via the guns pointed at us? I for one am not at all looking forward to that but I see it’s coming because people are not following the rules it’s an election year and well Trump needs the votes.

While I am not a political person, I do not pledge my allegiance to any party for I am of the belief that presidents are selected not elected and they are puppets dancing at the command of their British Masters and I’ve never liked puppet shows they freak me out.

I just want to plant my garden Grow food for my family and to write compelling articles that people can’t wait to read. That’s what the future holds for Valorie. No bright lights or big screen appearances No wild parties or failing relationships. I don’t want to be a millionaire or to ride in a space shop. I just want my dirt to grow in,love for my family showing and art supplies.

I don’t need anything else.

So today is day something or another. I have cramps again. I’m pretty sure I’ve had this virus since December. I think I’m on the 3rd time of being infected with it. and it’s squirting our my but and with that I bid you a poo as the porcelain God is hollering for me…..

Relative Calm

Today I was pretty oblivious to the state of the world due to the fact that don’t have television I didn’t have the radio playing and I stayed off social media.

I have to tell you something. This might be an ugly long drawn out way to do it but looking at all the basic humans and their utter disregard for anyone or any thing other than themselves They need to die. Why should we or the planet support or care for them? They don’t care for themselves or humanity as a whole they don’t care if that are breaking rules which is bringing in Marshal law. They don’t care that they are spreading a horrible germs they simply seek to satisfy their immediate needs according to their nature.

3/25/2020 Day 4 Mandatory Isolation

Today was a bit different than the others. I woke up in a total panic worried about my children and oddly a dog that we had growing up that I positively despised.

I don’t know why I was worried about the dog The human mind is layered and my layers are layered with layers.

Waking up startled is never really the greatest way to start a day. However I could have been startled awake by a gun or someone in uniform announcing marshal law was here and I was on the list of trouble makers to be rounded up and executed on the public square ( that’s how I’ve died my last 3 deaths. It’s getting a tad annoying)

I didn’t spend more than ten minutes on social media or online period today I just felt the energy and watched out my window watching all the people who were breaking the rules and ensuring that we all get to experience Marshal Law. I want to get angry about it and raise a big fuss however nothing would change and I run the risk of looking ridiculous or bringing the wrong attention to myself. Which is the last thing I want. I don’t want attention right now I want to blend in and push through I don’t want anything other than for myself and my family to get through this together.

I don’t know how long this is going to last but I know the worst is yet to cone and I wish people would calm down and unite as one It’s what’s needed but never before has it actually been done

Hence the state of our lives.

I don’t want to read the news articles or watch the updates as I know they are all scripted with intention to fill us with fear, confuse us and lead us like lambs to the slaughter. I don’t know why the world is like this. I don’t know who or what or for fucks sake WHY they planned it like this but you can not convince me that every bit of this is not by design.

I believe in my heart of hearts that on the other side of this a better reality exists but how many are going to die to get there?

I hate that my children have to endure this I didn’t prepare them. How could I? Even though I knew in my knower that this was coming I had zero clue what this was.

I had a basic outline from tales passed down from my ancestors and visions that have come through my mind. But I still even as it is here in our front yard have no clue how deep how wide or how it’s going to move. But I know it’s not going to be easy and I need to focus on staying calm and keeping my families spirits up and heads on straight. We need to all sit down together and get an emergency evacuation route and plan set up not to mention a meeting location clues to leave etc We have to at least try and be together. There is strength in numbers and we are stronger together.

This is so overwhelming I’m not really even paying attention to what I am writing I am probably all over the place. This will likely be just the ramblings of me.

This is an article that touches on some important questions and raises questions as to what the actual motive behind the stimulus payment may be read it if you are interested.

Why Is All This Stuff in the Coronavirus Relief Bill?

What is COVID19 here to teach us?

Like so many others I am sitting home alone on a mandatory order of the governor of my state who is following executive orders that have been set forth all over the planet. The entire world it’s on lockdown over something no one can see and few understand. An invisible enemy traveling through our communities at warp speed that has all humans standing in the realm of the unknown all metaphorically sitting on the edge of their seats. Some with their laces tied and back packs on ready to head for the hills others with their face masks hand sanitizer gloves and other necessities on (I literally cackled as I typed that btw) Others are complaining that they are stuck at home with the kids (which makes me feel all sorts of thangs….) some people are taking advantage of this time and catching up on the honey do list that they have going on while others are frantically obsessing on random aspects of the whole.

I would say about one half of one percent of all of humanity is where I fit in and we are all in shock that the predictions of our elders are coming to pass and trying to figure out who is going to make it through and what of this soon to be all but annihilated race will we carry with us to the new world and who will be there to greet us.

Me the two questions I have are how bad is it going to get and how long is this going to last. I know my immediate family will make it through this but I don’t know how hard it’s going to get or what we are going to have to endure. We are not prepared. Who truly ever is or could be prepared for this ? We truly don’t even know the entirety of what this is we just know it’s here and it’s not going anywhere too fast and it’s quite possible that more of it is on its way…..


Read this and pay close attention to the part about him being a germophobe and using hand sanitizers constantly. Then hear me or don’t it’s up to you. I do NOT USE HAND SANITIZERS I REFUSE and with good reason

Years ago when I used to volunteer at an old folks home I went to use the hand sanitizer that was on the wall and the staff nurse, crotichity old thing literally smacked my hand like I was a toddler and told me No! Do not ever use that!

I’m like um why?

She says it breeds germs it’s for the patients not the staff.

I’m like Hu? What do you mean it breeds germs? She proceeds to tell me that on her second day of nursing school her instructor told her to never use the hand sanitizer because it actually broke down your bodies natural ability to fight of germs and was in fact a breeding ground for germs.

She went further to describe how everyone’s germ filled hands touch the plunger part to push down to extract the stuff that came from inside so the container itself was infected

Anyways it went a lot deeper than that her instructor told her that they had it there for patient use only and when she questioned why he told her it was good for business.

I have never forgotten that conversation and I pay attention to people who are constantly using hand sanitizers and things of likeness and what I have noticed is those people are the ones always catching every little bug that comes their way.

Use good old fashioned Soap and Water. This principal is proof that these hand sanitizers do NOT kill COVID19. Stop wasting your money. Stop filling their pockets. Use good old fashioned soap and water scrub continuously counting to 30 then rinse for ten. It’s simple.

It’s my Birthday!

Well actually my birthday was yesterday. March 22, 2020. It was my 52nd one and likely one I will never forget. As it marked the first day of mandatory lockdown or as the government is calling it #socialdistancing. They say it’s the only way to slow the curve of the #coronavirus. I suppose they are right. It’s all a bit surreal and seems like it happened so fast like it just came out of no where but really I have been expecting this my entire life.

Expecting something and it actually happening aren’t the same. In fact sometimes what you expect and what you actually get are no where near the same. This might be one of those times. It’s like stuffs bad and while some people are saying it will be over in a month others say 3 my gut tells me something I don’t want to write down and give energy.

I just moved back to Oregon. My sister bought me a mobile home in a park. It has a decent sized yard and great potential. The creek runs through the back and the 1957 single wide has been completely remodeled. It’s small but it’s cute and with a little paint and love in the yard it will be a perfect little home for the fairy in me.

I didn’t quite expect to get here and get about a third of my stuff moved up and have the whole world shut down. No one can work. No one can travel. No one can go to do anything other than what is absolutely necessary. Businesses are shut down gyms barber shops restaurants bars

Grocery stores are open but the shelves are empty. People are hoarding. They are afraid. How can they not be? The media is pushing fear down our throats they are closing the schools and the state offices banks

Just writing about it trying to detail it out is making me physically ill. It’s like nothing ai have ever seen and could be prepared for. Still I know what’s coming but what is that actually going to be like? I truly don’t know the answer to that. I can imagine. I have imagined. In fact ai have thought of little else in day’s. I’m pretty sure everyone in the country or actually the world can relate.

My heart is very heavy with the weight of uncertainty. I’m almost tempted to pray. But that seems like a slap in my own and everyone else’s face were I being totally honest.

So today has been a roller coaster of emotions and feelings and isolation. I’ve drawn played with clay ate painted and paced

I’ve spent a little time on social media but it’s tough so much fear and uncertainty mixed with hostility and love it’s really sobering and I don’t feel like participating.

The Isolation Begins!

Thanks for joining me!

In a time such as now where the whole country is on edge and we truly do not know what the future holds

right here in this moment I am thankful that you have chosen to spend a bit of time with me.

This is a place where my random thoughts and happenings throughout the day will be reported and we can hopefully talk and keep each other company while we are stuck at home unable to leave for work or play.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton


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